Clothing 10 best list causes puzzlement

It's spring break time, so I'm taking the week off from political commentary. Gawd knows we need a break from politics!

The magazine that comes with the Sunday newspaper had an item that I couldn't pass up. It's a list of 10 best clothing items for your spring closet, as seen by TV personality Tim Gunn.

I haven't had a TV for most of my adult life, so I know nothing about Mr. Gunn. But he looks very trim and stylish, sort of like a big city lawyer who just flew in for a court hearing (the local lawyers don't dress like that, even for court), or maybe an undertaker.

So here's my take on his recommended clothing list:

1. Trenchcoat. Does Carhartt make trenchcoats? Maybe one of those cowboy-style dusters...

2. After 5 look. Gunn suggests the classic little black dress or a nice tuxedo pant with classic white top. No mention of which gender this is meant for, but these days it may not matter. My thought for locals is ditch the paint-spattered torn T-shirt and jeans from your day job and put on clean ones before a big evening out.

3. Day dress. Gunn refers to a classic designer wrap dress. I don't know what that is.

4. Blazer. Gunn suggests tweedy with an equestrian look for country chic, or schoolboy blazer with motorcycle boots for a rock 'n roll image. What can I say? Locals who are sporting an equestrian look often are wearing beat up cowboy boots complete with spurs, sometimes a cowboy hat that looks like it's been drug behind a pickup, or a greasy John Deere cap.

5. Denim. Now you're talking! Gunn advises that, "The most flattering fit will be a style that falls straight from the widest part of your hip with neither a flare nor a taper." Would that be what we call a cowboy cut? Are we talking about pants?

6. Footwear. He doesn't elaborate. Are we talking flip-flops? Cowboy boots? Hiking boots? The afore-mentioned biker boots? Combat boots to wear with that little black dress? Red patent leather over the knee boots with outlandishly high heels for that bad girl (or drag queen) look?

7. Signature jewelry. Gunn refers to classic pearls, a cocktail ring, or a sculptural cuff, whatever that is. Again, are we referring to a particular gender? Mardi Gras beads (left over from Snowdown) come in many styles and colors to fit any occasion or gender.

8. Under-arsenal. Gunn says the key word is "nude." Does that mean don't wear any?

9. Sweatsuit alternative. Gunn advises for anyplace other than the gym, a better choice is cashmere pants with a cardigan. Right. He also allows for dark wash jeans with a sweater or "breezy linen pants" (does that mean holes in strategic places?) and a T-shirt. I have sweat pants in enough colors to go with any of my tie-dye T-shirts.

10. Trendy self-indulgent item costing no more than $20. Actually I can rationalize more expensive baubles when many of my clothes are from the thrift store.

Maybe I don't get out to the real world often enough. Do Mr. Gunn's suggestions reflect the way people dress there? For his sake, I hope Mr. Gunn doesn't come to La Plata County. He might have an apoplectic fit at what passes for style here.

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